Autumn is probably the perfect season to talk about Shadow Work.
And no, despite its deliciously gothic name, Shadow Work was not invented for Halloween.
Today, the term refers to various introspective practices inspired in particular by the concept of the Shadow developed by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung.
The basic idea is fairly simple: we do not necessarily know everything we are, or everything we are capable of being.
Some traits, emotions, desires or behaviours fit perfectly with the image we have of ourselves. Others… considerably less so.
So we sometimes learn to hide them, condemn them, repress them or simply stop looking at them.
Until one day a trigger brings them back: an argument. Inexplicable jealousy. A criticism that makes us disproportionately angry. Someone we mysteriously cannot stand. A failure. A period of stress.
Any strange reaction that leaves us wondering: “Why on earth did I react like that?”
That may be a sign that we have stumbled across something in the shadow.
What is Shadow Work?
To understand Shadow Work, we first need to understand what Jung called the Shadow.
In Jungian psychology, the Shadow broadly refers to aspects of our personality that our conscious mind does not readily recognise as belonging to the “self”.
And this matters: our shadow is not necessarily our bad side.
That is where the concept becomes much more interesting.
Of course, we may reject our aggression, jealousy, selfishness or need for control.
But we may also have learned to hide other traits because they were not considered socially acceptable: our ambition, sensuality, creativity, authority, vulnerability, need for attention, ability to say no, desire to be recognised, or even our anger.
Simply because, at some point in our lives, we may have understood or learned that this part of us was unacceptable, dangerous, ridiculous or undesirable.
“A nice girl doesn’t get angry.”
“Men don’t cry.”
“Stop trying to get attention.”
“Be reasonable.”
“Who do you think you are?”
So we learn. We adapt our behaviour. And some colours gradually disappear from the picture we have of ourselves.
That does not necessarily mean they disappear from us.
Autumn: a rather beautiful metaphor for our shadow
Look at a tree in summer. Its leaves appear green. Uniformly green. Then autumn arrives.
The days grow shorter, chlorophyll production decreases, and the other pigments already present in the leaf gradually become visible: yellow, orange, red, copper, gold.
Some of those colours were already there. We simply could not see them.
I love this image as a way of explaining shadow work.
When everything is going well, we can maintain our usual image of ourselves fairly easily.
Then fatigue, conflict, fear, frustration or uncertainty arrive.
And something appears.
“I’m not usually like this.”
Maybe.
Or perhaps you are also like this.
And that is not necessarily bad news.
Why does our shadow sometimes emerge during conflict?
Because relationships are extraordinary revealers.
Imagine someone who irritates you beyond belief.
They take up a lot of space.
They speak loudly.
They seem extremely self-confident.
And every time they open their mouth, you want to introduce a dictionary to their teeth.
Why?
First possibility: they really are annoying. Let us not neglect this possibility. Fortunately, Shadow Work does not require us to turn every arsehole we meet into a spiritual revelation.
But there is a second, interesting possibility:
something in that person is touching something in you.
Perhaps you forbid yourself from taking up space.
Perhaps you learned that you had to stay discreet.
Perhaps you even secretly envy their ability to assert themselves.
Or perhaps that person reminds you of someone who once crushed you.
This is not a conclusion.
It is a line of enquiry.
And that is precisely what can be useful about shadow work: sometimes replacing an immediate judgement with a question.
“Why does this affect me so much?”
Projection: when our shadow appears in other people
This brings us to another important idea in Jungian psychology: projection.
Sometimes we may attribute something very strongly to another person that we have difficulty recognising in ourselves.
And again, caution is required.
If someone is genuinely behaving arrogantly, noticing their arrogance does not automatically mean that you are secretly arrogant.
That would be an exceptionally clumsy use of psychology.
However, when our reaction seems disproportionate, repetitive or strangely emotionally charged, it can become interesting to explore.
Why is this particular characteristic so unbearable to me?
Why do I need this person to stop being the way they are immediately?
What might that say about me?
Shadow Work often begins in, and thanks to, this kind of crack.
How do you practise Shadow Work?
There is no official Shadow Work method with twelve steps personally certified by Carl Jung.
Today, the expression covers various introspective practices drawn from or inspired by several psychological traditions and personal development.
But you can begin very simply.
Take a situation that triggers a particularly strong emotion in you.
Then ask yourself a few questions:
- What exactly just happened?
- What emotion did I feel?
- What actually hurt, angered or frightened me?
- What exactly am I blaming the other person for?
- Is this a situation I encounter regularly?
- What do I absolutely refuse to be?
- Who taught me that this characteristic was bad?
- Does a small part of me have this characteristic too?
- Is that part of me looking for something?
- What need might be hiding behind this reaction?
The aim is not to immediately discover THE hidden truth of your unconscious.
The aim is to open up hypotheses.
A few Shadow Work questions that shake things up
Looking for Shadow Work exercises?
Here is a particularly simple one.
Complete these sentences quickly, without trying to produce an intelligent answer:
The people I can least stand are those who…
I would absolutely never want to become someone who…
I feel ashamed when…
I would like to be able to…, but I do not allow myself to.
When someone criticises me, what really hurts is…
I wish other people recognised more of… in me.
I feel jealous when…
If nobody could judge me, I would…
Then look at your answers.
Not to condemn yourself.
To look for repetitions.
Because the shadow loves repetition.
Accepting your shadow does not mean handing it the keys to the house
This is an important distinction.
Doing Shadow Work does not mean:
“I accept my aggression, so from now on I can tell everyone to piss off. It’s my authentic self.”
No.
Understanding a behaviour does not mean giving it permission.
Recognising:
“Yes, I can be jealous”
is very different from:
“Because I am jealous, I have the right to control my partner.”
Recognising:
“I need recognition”
does not mean:
“Everyone must constantly praise me.”
Integration is more about being able to say:
“This part exists in me. Now, what am I going to do with it?”
And that is infinitely more powerful than spending your energy pretending it does not exist.
What if our shadow also hides some of our strengths?
Let us be clear: our shadow does not magically contain “superpowers”.
However, some qualities may have been rejected along with the behaviours we were trying to protect ourselves from.
Someone who learned never to get angry may also have learned never to oppose anyone.
Working with their anger may then help them rediscover their ability to set boundaries.
Someone who rejects their ambition may discover behind it a genuine desire to create or achieve.
Someone who hates their sensitivity may learn to recognise the fine perception that can sometimes accompany it.
Someone who forbids themselves from being selfish may discover that they simply no longer know how to take care of their own needs.
Someone who experiences anxiety but rejects it may also overlook some of their capacities for fine perception and intuition.
That is why Shadow Work is not about eliminating the shadow.
It is more about recovering what we locked away with it.
Can you do Shadow Work on your own?
Yes, to a certain extent.
Write.
Observe your reactions.
Keep a journal.
Notice your emotional triggers.
Question certain automatic responses.
All of this can be excellent introspective work.
But we quickly run into a rather amusing problem:
we are trying to observe our blind spots with the very brain that made them invisible.
That is where an outside perspective can be useful.
A coach can question a contradiction, notice a repetition, spot a lie we keep telling ourselves, ask why the same word keeps returning, or point out that we have just dodged exactly the same question four times in full bullet-time mode.
And sometimes your answer will be:
“Oh, shit.”
Personally, I loooove the “oh, shit” moments.
They often mean we have just found something interesting.
Shadow Work, coaching and psychotherapy: let’s not mix everything together
Shadow Work in coaching can be used as an introspective tool to explore certain behaviours, beliefs, emotional reactions or relationship dynamics.
But not everything belongs in coaching.
If this exploration brings up trauma, significant psychological distress or symptoms requiring clinical care, the work should be carried out with a qualified mental-health professional.
Coaching is not there to treat a disorder or replace psychotherapy.
It can, however, help you examine:
your reactions,
your relationship habits,
your boundaries,
your contradictions,
the image you try to project,
the behaviours you repeat,
and the parts of yourself you may have learned to keep carefully out of frame.
Turning the shadow into information rather than an enemy
In the end, I still love my autumn metaphor.
Not because autumn is some magical season when you absolutely must do your Shadow Work with a scented candle, a beige blanket and a €27 notebook from an esoteric shop.
But because the tree gives us a beautiful image.
When the green disappears, other colours become visible.
Difficult periods can do the same thing to us.
They reveal certain fears.
Certain anger.
Certain needs.
Certain contradictions.
And certain strengths too.
Our first reflex is often to make whatever appears disappear immediately.
Shadow work offers another possibility:
look.
question.
understand.
Then consciously choose what we want to do with it.
Your shadow may not be the part of you that needs to be eliminated.
It may simply be the part of you that you have not yet learned to look at directly.
And if you need an outside perspective to explore what lies behind some of your reactions, blocks or recurring patterns, that is precisely the kind of work we can explore together in coaching.