We sometimes imagine that people hire a coach only when they have “a problem”.
That is rather reductive.
You can also seek coaching because you are going round in circles, because a situation keeps repeating itself, because you have a decision to make, because a relationship has become difficult, because you want to improve the way you manage… or simply because you know where you want to go but cannot work out how to get there.
There is therefore no single doorway into coaching.
After years of supporting people, I have seen individuals, couples and professionals arrive with extremely different requests. Some were in the middle of a crisis. Others were doing reasonably well but wanted something to change. Others simply needed an outside perspective to understand what was happening.
So rather than explaining abstractly “why you should get coaching”, here is a much more interesting question:
In what situations can coaching actually be useful?
Why choose individual coaching?
You do not need to wait until you have hit rock bottom before asking for support. Fortunately.
How can I rebuild my self-confidence?
When you systematically doubt your abilities, constantly seek external validation or no longer dare to do things you actually want to do, the work rarely consists of repeating in front of a mirror that you are wonderful.
It is more about understanding what undermines that confidence, what maintains the problem and how to regain a more accurate perception of your abilities.
How can I stop sabotaging myself?
You know what you should do. Sometimes you have even started.
And yet, mysteriously, you procrastinate, give up, repeatedly choose the wrong person, turn down an opportunity you wanted or find an excellent reason not to change anything.
The famous “self-sabotage” generally deserves better than a kick up the backside and three inspirational Instagram quotes.
We need to understand what the behaviour is protecting.
What can I do when I feel stuck?
You have thought about the problem from every possible angle. Then from the other direction. Then once again, just in case the problem had politely changed overnight.
Sometimes thinking more with exactly the same premises simply produces… more of the same thinking.
An outside perspective can reveal blind spots, contradictions, alternatives or resources you can no longer see.
And also…
- How can I learn to set boundaries?
- How can I make a difficult decision?
- How can I break a recurring pattern?
- How can I manage my emotions better?
- How can I stop procrastinating?
- How can I communicate better?
- How can I say no without feeling guilty?
- How can I find my place?
- How can I get through a period of change?
- How can I understand my needs better?
- How can I leave a relationship or situation that no longer suits me?
- How can I turn a desire for change into concrete action?
The common denominator is not necessarily suffering.
It is often the gap between the situation you are living and the one you would like to build.
Why choose couples coaching?
No, couples coaching is not reserved for couples deciding between booking a session and throwing plates at each other.
You can come because the relationship is in crisis, of course. But also precisely to avoid getting there.
How can I discuss a difficult subject with my partner?
Money, sex, children, family, division of labour, life plans, jealousy, commitment…
Some subjects become so emotionally loaded that eventually you are no longer discussing the problem, but every previous argument about the problem.
Coaching can recreate a framework in which each person can speak and hear what the other is actually trying to say.
How can I set boundaries in my relationship?
Loving someone does not mean accepting everything.
But setting a boundary without turning it into a threat, ultimatum or punishment can require genuine relational learning.
How can we deal with family problems affecting our relationship?
In-laws, children, ex-partners, blended families, differences in parenting…
A couple does not exist in a vacuum. Some difficulties arise precisely at the boundaries between the couple and the people around them.
And also…
- How can we start talking again?
- How can we stop having the same arguments?
- How can I express my needs without attacking my partner?
- How can we rediscover closeness?
- How can we manage an important difference between us?
- How can we make a decision together?
- How can we rebuild trust?
- How can we divide responsibilities more fairly?
- How can we live with our differences?
- How do we know whether we still want to build something together?
Sometimes the goal is not to “save the relationship at all costs”. It may also be to understand what is happening and help two people make a more conscious decision about what comes next.
Why hire a coach in a business?
Because putting eight human beings in an open-plan office with a task list, a dashboard, KPIs and someone called a “manager” has, strangely enough, never been sufficient to create a functioning team.
A company is an extraordinary relationship laboratory: objectives, power, responsibilities, personalities, constraints, clients, money and sometimes urgency. Everything is there to produce the best… and occasionally a magnificent mess.
How do I manage a difficult employee?
First useful question: what exactly is difficult?
Their behaviour? Their results? Your communication? A conflict of values? Resistance to change? Poorly defined responsibility?
Defining the problem correctly already prevents you from looking for the solution in the wrong place.
How do I manage a crisis?
In a crisis, the temptation is often to react faster at the very moment when we need to think more clearly.
Coaching can help a leader or manager distinguish genuine urgency from noise, prioritise decisions, anticipate consequences and work on communication.
How do I deal with a difficult client?
Setting boundaries while preserving a commercial relationship is a particular skill. Sometimes you need to learn to negotiate, reformulate, clarify what is possible and what is not, and stop confusing customer service with unlimited submission.
How do I motivate my team?
Motivation is not a button located somewhere behind an employee’s left ear.
It can depend on autonomy, recognition, meaning, workload, clarity of objectives, quality of management, working relationships and the feeling of progressing.
And also…
- How can I give difficult feedback?
- How can I handle disagreement within my team?
- How can I delegate without micromanaging?
- How can I assert my authority without becoming authoritarian?
- How can I manage interpersonal tension?
- How can I improve communication?
- How can I support change?
- How can I develop cooperation?
- How can I manage competing priorities?
- How can I reconcile performance with healthy working relationships?
The aim is not to manufacture smiling managers capable of reciting three communication methods.
It is to develop the ability to understand human situations and intervene with greater discernment.
So how do I know whether I need coaching?
A simple rule can help.
You do not necessarily need a coach because something is wrong.
Support can become useful when:
you want something to change, but your usual methods are no longer enough to produce that change.
You may know exactly what you want. Or not yet know.
You may have a very concrete problem. Or simply that irritating feeling that something is wrong without being able to put your finger on it.
That is precisely where the work begins.
And why tell me all this?
Because throughout my experience as a coach, I have worked with very different individual, relational, couple and professional issues.
My job is not to tell you how to live your life.
Still less to hand out prefabricated solutions in the style of “the five habits of successful people before 6:12 a.m.”
It is to understand with you what is happening in your situation, bring to light what you cannot yet see and build solutions that are usable in your reality.
Of course, I could tell you here that I am absolutely wonderful.
That would be slightly suspicious.
So the simplest thing is to let the people I have already coached speak for themselves:
→ Read my clients’ testimonials
And if one of the questions in this article looks suspiciously like the one you are asking yourself, perhaps that is already a good place to start.